Scenes We'd Like To See: Series 17, Episode 9
The following is a list of Scenes We'd Like To See topics and suggestions for the ninth episode of the seventeenth series. Key RP '''- Rachel Parris '''NK - Nish Kumar KG '- Kerry Godliman '''EB '- Ed Byrne 'EG '- Ed Gamble 'HD - '''Hugh Dennis Topics Lines You Wouldn't Hear In A Superhero Movie '''HD - '''I am Thor, and next year, I will be five. '''EB '- I've got you now, Catwoman. Your days of sitting on laptops and licking your own hole are over! 'EG '- Why am I green? Well, I'm made of kale, I am the Inedible Hulk! 'RP - '''Ah, Superman, we meet at least... I can literally see your pants. '''HD - '''Don't you call me a wanker, you're a wanker yourself! That's right, I am White-Van Man! '''NK - '(hoarse) I'm Batman, nice... (coughs) (normal) I'm Batman, nice to meet you! 'EG '- Yes, Peter, I know you're Spider-Man, but that definitely isn't "web" all over your laptop screen! 'KG '- Right, I'm Captain Marvel, and you're Captain America. One of us is gonna have to tell Captain Birds-Eye he's not in this gang! This whole place stinks of fish! 'RP - '''Is it a bird? Is it a plane? This pilot's exam is harder than I was expecting. '''EG - '''I have collected all the Infinity Stones, and I believe that means I'm entitled to a free coffee. '''HD - '''It's the Fantastic Four-- oh no, it was stopped on the boundary, just a single. '''RP - '''A full-body titanium suit with armoured plating? No thank you, I'll stick to the small metal bikini! '''EG '- Hi, Spider-Man, ya. no, no, no, I've got an STI, so when you say you were "swinging around New York", what exactly did you mean? 'EB - '''Commissioner, you sent for me? Yes, Human Torch, I need to find something in the shed. '''NK '- I prescribe 50 milligrams of cheese and 60cc of cat hair! Benedict Cumberbatch is Doctor Strange. 'KG '- They call me Catwoman because I've got fur all over me and I stink of Whiskas and cat piss. 'HD '- Batman, come quickly! A Thai football team is stuck in the Batcave! 'NK - '(as the Joker) Why so serious?! Oh right, because I'm a scary clown with weird makeup and I'm holding a knife! Fair enough. 'EB '- I, Thor... I thaw a puttytat. Unlikely Agony Aunt Letters 'RP - '''Dear Deirdre, I heard there is a way to get red wine out of carpets. Please tell me, because I really want some red wine! '''KG - '''My boyfriend says I'm obsessed with quizzes. Shall I, A: leave him, B: seek help, C: CARRY ON WITH MY OBSESSION? '''EB '- Dear Deirdre, I have an irrational fear of agony aunts. Please don't respond. '''EG - '''Dear Deirdre, I don't get allow with my partner's children. Uh, they're my children as well but I don't admit to that because they're absolute dicks! '''HD - '''I am a man in his 50's struggling with his work-life balance. Should I... sorry, got to go. '''EB - '''Help, I'm in love with my wife's mother's daughter--- oh no, wait, that's my wife, it's okay, it's fine. '''HD - (laddish voice) All that emotional stuff, is that agony? I once caught my bollocks in a lift door. KG - Dear Deirdre, I can't help putting my bike in other ladies' racks. Lovely Boris. 'EG - '''Dear Deirdre, last week I had a car accident and now my girlfriend isn't speaking to me, and she cries all the time and now I feel really cold-- OH SHIT, I'M A GHOST! '''HD - '''Dear Deirdre, I am embarrassed by the amount of noise my wife makes during lovemaking. To be fair, she doesn't know I'm still in the house. '''EG '- My girlfriend says I give up on things too easily. Oh well. 'KG '- Since my children left to go to university, my life feels so meaningful and rich. How do I tell them I won't want them to come home for Christmas? 'EG - '''Dear Deirdre, my wife says I'm a fantasist and a compulsive liar. Well, she's one to talk. She doesn't even exist! '''HD - '''I am a man trapped inside the body of a woman. It happened last night and neither of us dared call an ambulance. '''RP '- (Russian accent) Dear Deirdre, I am very into steeples. 'EB - '''Dear Deirdre, my girlfriend reckons I should try and set a world record for masturbation. Do you think I can pull it off? (''pulls a pose as the audience cheers) 'RP - '''Dear Deirdre, in the daytime I come across as a really smart, cheerful guy whom everyone loves. But in secret, I am definitely a psychopath. Yours, Nish Kumar. '''NK '- Dear Deirdre, my wife says that I'm a serial philanderer and a sex addict. So I guess my question is, "What are you doing tonight?" 'KG '- I just got my first period. Should I be worried? Dave, 32. Category:Scenes We'd Like To See